Oh dear, this makes me sadder then ever. Can't believe i cried yet again for the things i loved. Am i really that bad?
It has been quite sometime since I've last danced. Haiz...but still I'm quite sad about it. No matter how hard i've worked, how hard i've tried, i am stil not good enough. Never seem to be good enough. Felt that all the money, time and effort has ben wasted. All that returns is just saddness and disappointment. It is really so hard? Why I can't seem to get it? I don't understand....
This is the very reason, i want to give up...
Jonah's story makes me feel that I'm in a similar situation as him. Well, I'm not literally running away for God, but I did disobeyed Him when I know clearly that what i did was not right. Now not only am i in a mess, i have drag other people down as well. Just like how God sent a raging storm to the people on the boat with Jonah.
Honestly, i felt that i am terribly wrong, and i always fail to see it. Now that everything has been laid before my eyes, it hard to deny how things has turn out because of my disobedience. I do feel guilty, i do feel that i was not sensible and sensitive enough to know what is happening around me. Somehow, i felt that i don't deserve to be loved at all....cause i have not taken care of that love well.
And the worse thing i have ever done is not letting God be my guide...
Last year started out with a lot of weddings to attend. This year started out to have a lot of 21st birthday party to attend. Both are great ways of starting out the new year. It kinda really shows that all of us are growing up!
Hadn't been dancing. Either no time, lazy or just no as much passion i guess....Still got so many essays to complete :( Totally can't find any information to help me continue lor....
Woots! quite a number of things to update. So i will post about the most recent things first.
Finally was able to book a practical lesson. Instructor encourage to chiong all the way, everyday go for lesson and book the test dates. Well since my PDL is expiring soon, so might as wel just chiong. Get that license and get over with it. But it was really fun to drive :)
Next was my 21st birthday party. Really happy that everything went well and that it is over. 21 years of nonsense, so hopefully i will really live my life well for God. Went through so many things, now really have to be a nai ma and help those who needs help, or went through the same things as me before. With someone to guide you, it just seem that your life is less mess up. So yea, hope that i will get good job,get married and have kids. LOL, but not so soon lah. hehe!
Last week of holiday and the first week of school is one of my most busiest time of all. The best part? It's not even for school! Its for my upcoming birthday party and the upcoming junior showcase.
Showcase just ended yesterday and i felt relieved and pretty proud of myself. During the days of SGC, we always need to prepare a lot of showcase such as these, but it was never well done, and there wasn't much team work either. We always couldn't get things done and we ended up not completing anything. For this showcase, it was completely different. Everybody agreed to come at certain time and we commit to it. Within one day, we completed the whole showcase. All we need to do is to brush up our steps and make sure we sync. Looking at this video, I really do feel great about it.
Birthday party is coming up soon, everything seems to be in place. Feeling a little scared, a little excited and a little disappointed. But all in all, i hope is a great party for everybody :D
Accepting yourself is the key of usefulness in God's kingdom